


promises to keep

by badnewsbear



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 15:36:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18574432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badnewsbear/pseuds/badnewsbear
Summary: He let out a startled laugh, bigger and brighter than he had in ages. He turned back around to see Penny trying to hide his own mirth. Quentin couldn’t contain his glee as he jumped up to hug Penny. The librarian bristled at the contact but allowed it. “Thank you, Penny” he said when he finally let go, “and, don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope it’s a very, very long time before I see you again.”aka what the writers should've done if they knew what was good for them.





	promises to keep

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written any fic in ages but this show got me bent. my first time posting and no one else really looked at it so if the grammars wack i'm sorry.
> 
> enjoy?

Quentin looked down at the card in his hand that was plastic, but also not.

He could feel the energy coming off of it, it was both soothing and unsettlingly strong. It felt warm and encouraging and entirely against his very nature. A war raged within him, a war he knew so well.

_You can let go Quentin, it’s–_ **Don’t do anything stupid.**

Both sides carried on as the power of the card drew him toward temptation. Slow chants from voices that sounded achingly familiar. _“It’s okay Quentin, you’re home”_ the voice of his father whispered to him. _“It’s not that bad, son.”_

_“You’ve done so well my boy, come home.”_

He heard the voices of his grandparents, his first grade teacher, Julia’s grandmother. All of them, united in their pride for him and ready to invite him beyond the breach. Only a lifetime of fighting the temptation kept him from giving in. That is, until he heard one excited voice above the rest.

_“Daddy!”_

As soon as he heard the voice of his son his heart filled with such longing he almost missed the appearance of a doorway before him. He could hear Teddy on the other side giggling, the same way he did whenever Eliot snuck him a treat before dinner. Eliot.

_“Daddy?”_

How could he forget so fast? After months of trying to get Eliot back and he didn’t even get to say goodbye. He never got to ask if he meant anything when he said- _“Peaches and plums!”_

No.

He could resist his father, Teddy, his grandparents. They all lived happy full lives, but not- _“It’s okay Quentin,”_ Arielle said to him, calmly above the cacophony of voices. 

_“You made a promise.”_ Of course. _“Protect our boys.”_

**“Fuck this”**

A beat of silence.

“What?” Penny deadpanned. It was the most like his Penny he had seen since arriving to the Underworld. Unrestrained anger shrouded by a mask of indifference.

“Fuck all of this” Quentin said, letting an outpour of emotion rush his words. His hands shook with an energy unlike anything he had ever felt before.

Penny paused, considering his next words carefully. “I don’t think you understand,” he stated, “there isn’t really a choice here. Do you know what people would do to get one of those cards?”

“I don’t care! This can’t be it!” Quentin gripped the card more firmly in his hands, the voices were completely silent now. “It can’t all have been for nothing!”

“It wasn’t for nothing,” Penny said back in that same calm tone he had used earlier. “They’re all safe, isn’t that enough?”

“No because I never go to-” tears rushed to Quentin’s eyes as he realized what he was about to admit.

“I never got to _be happy.”_

Quentin couldn’t contain himself anymore, the tears ran freely down his cheeks. He felt the energy coursing through his body and couldn’t breathe fast enough to contain it. It didn’t feel like a panic attack, but rather like he was finally claiming his body as his own.

He was finally free.

“I’ve spent my entire life thinking I didn’t matter. That I would never matter unless I had some kind of quest or trial to overcome, but that- that’s all bullshit! I thought when I found Brakebills I could be happy, I mean, how could I not? Magic was real! But that’s all bullshit too! Look where you ended up!” Quentin paused to catch his breath. Penny was uncharacteristically silent as he stared at the boy that had tormented him, the only person at Brakebills more fucked up than him.

“But magic couldn’t fix what was wrong with me, nothing could, and that’s okay! Because I didn’t need ‘fixing’ I just needed to find me.” Quentin paused his movements, realizing the truth in his words. “And I never felt more ‘me’ then when I was at that damn mosaic.” A small warm smile lit his face, a smile unlike any Penny had ever thought could come from the small broken boy who sang way too much Taylor Swift.

“My name is Quentin Makepeace Coldwater, and I’m a fucking magician.” Quentin said with a surprised giggle. “And more importantly, I’m a father! And a husband! A husband who once made a promise to his dying wife that he would do anything to protect their boys. A promise that got me through the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It reminded me of my purpose, and that I had so much more to lose than ever before because I’d made another promise too. A promise to my husband.”

_If you want to live your life, live it here._

“I promised him I would live. That I would learn to live my life and love my life. Not every day was perfect but it was better because we were together. We were a team who raised a beautiful boy who then raised his own beautiful family. That was our legacy.”

“Fifty years we spent at that mosaic and I don’t remember when it happened but at some point it stopped being about quests or the fate of the world and it was just about being with my family. When I think about that time it feels like a blur but I remember feeling content in a way I never thought I could. I thought Eliot and I could try and find that again but-” _he rejected me._ “It didn’t work out right away, and I could respect that. But I never really got the chance to try and change his mind.”

“I never got the chance to find happiness for myself and I refuse to let my life be defined by these quests, gods, or monsters. Only I can decide who I am or what I’ll be remembered for and I refuse to be this person. I refused to be the guy who was too scared, and miserable to chase after what he actually wanted. I refuse to be the guy who thought these quests were a good enough reason to die. But most of all, I refuse to be the guy who broke a promise he made to the people he loved.”

Quentin looked down at the card in his hand again. It felt tense, as if it was holding back its power in anticipation of something. “If this card is supposed to take me to a ‘better place’ then I don’t want it. Because I have a husband who’s been possessed for months and I’d really like a chance to see him again.” 

Quentin held the card out toward Penny, fully aware of what he was giving up, but also sure he was making the right choice. Penny studied his features but made no move to take the card back. 

“You know, there was a time when I would’ve done anything to get my hands on one of those cards?” It felt to Penny like centuries and it would be impossible for him to say how long it really had been. “I thought I could use it to escape, but they’re meant to take you where you belong.”

Quentin seemed to wilt a little at that, but he quickly drew himself up again. He opened his mouth to retaliate, but Penny cracked again. “Look behind you, dumbass” he said with an eyeroll. Quentin spun around so quickly he nearly stumbled.

Before him was the door to the Cottage.

He let out a startled laugh, bigger and brighter than he had in ages. He turned back around to see Penny trying to hide his own mirth. Quentin couldn’t contain his glee as he jumped up to hug Penny. The librarian bristled at the contact but allowed it. “Thank you, Penny” he said when he finally let go, “and, don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope it’s a very, very long time before I see you again.”

Penny smiled in that enigmatic way the librarians all seemed to. “I hope so too” he said “and Quentin?”

“Yeah?”

“Do us all a favor, and start listening to better music.”

“Fuck you too, Penny” he chuckled as he pulled the door open and stepped into one of the only places that had ever felt like home.

When he crossed the threshold he immediately sobered up. He could still feel that strange energy rushing through him but the cottage was dead silent. It was then that he remembered what was happening in the backyard, and the tear-streaked faces of his friends. He rushed to get out there, but carefully so as not to startle anyone. After all, it was a bit of a faux pas to crash your own funeral.


End file.
